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We all start out with one.

Then we take our first breathes and away we go, but where do we go, nobody knows. Or do they? What if someone was manipulating you and everything you do from behind the scenes and we are all just actors in a play of someone else’s mind?

Could you escape such a place, knowing that to do so would pretty much violate any rules of logic and maybe even science? What kind of paradox would occur, would you see yourself as what you have been led to believe was you? Or would you realize that you are nothing more than a singular atom in the midst of a life-changing event that will occur to someone else?

Why do these questions come up from time to time? Am I the only one that ever thinks like this? Does ‘Joe Mechanic’ down at the garage ever wonder why he does what he does and where he came from and whether or not anyone or thing is actually controlling him? Does ‘Suzy Homemaker’ ever get a glimpse outside the cage that she has called home for all her years? Does she see shadows of objects that are impossible to explain, let alone see, but in the corner of her eye she sees “something”.

How is it possible that the mind plays such tricks on some people yet others it just lets them be? Are others just “extras” in our lives and they really have no life, like you would think they do? Does the maid from the hotel after she leaves for the day drive into a location where she will be used the next time you run into her? What about the restaurants, do they actually serve food there? Or is all a ruse of fourth dimensional thought that lets you think there is something good cooking in that kitchen? Maybe the reason you chose McDonald’s over Wendy’s, even though in your mind you like Wendy’s more, is because the crew forgot to show up for work that day or because you are ‘travelling’ through a ‘remote’ town, there really is no need for you to ever see the Wendy’s because your mind has already been made up by the child that is playing with their matchbox car, which happens to look exactly like the one you drive, and since he doesn’t like Wendy’s but loves him some Chicken McNuggets, well.

So, what does it all mean?

I don’t know, you tell me.



Chocolate Smurfs


I hate to travel.


Scratch that, I love travelling. I hate to travel alone, without my family. It depresses me and really makes me crazy around bedtime. You see, I cannot fall asleep when I am travelling alone and it really makes it hard for me to focus when I am on a business trip. It’s hard to be on your “A Game” when you only get two to three hours of very uncomfortable sleep a night. Imagine how you would be by Friday after getting the same amount of sleep in one week that you might normally get in one night.


Not pretty. Trust me.


I have tried a wide variety of ideas that have been handed down to me once someone hears about my issues. I love that everyone wants to help, it’s what makes this country great – too bad none of them seem to work very well.


One suggestion was to dance myself to sleep. I really didn’t understand this, but I figured it was worth a shot. So I turned on MTV and prepared myself for a dance-a-thon that would begin once the commercials ended.




I completely forgot that they no longer play music on MTV, and the cheap radio in the hotel room, just doesn’t find a station clear enough to understand the lyrics, or more importantly, hear the beat. So I gave up and sat down and ate some french fries, and while they made me feel better initially, I had to spend a lot of extra time in the other room in my hotel room, if you know what I’m saying. Apparently filling up on greasy spuds, does not do my body good.


By the time I found myself in bed watching a rerun of Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show” and dozing off to Ed McMahon saying “Yes!” it was well past midnight.


Somehow, I did finally fall asleep and entered the most disturbing part of the evening, my subconscious.


I found myself sitting on a chair in my bathroom spraying my hair down with some high-grade hairspray, which in itself is hilarious because I have been bald for the past twenty years, but I figured why not. If my subconscious sees me with David Coverdale hair, so be it. I didn’t really like seeing the grey hairs seeminvg to stand out and make let it be known that I am an old dude. Great, first I can’t sleep and now my subconscious is reminding me that I am old.




It gets better. As I leave my bathroom, which appears to be about twice the size of my house, again I am not minding this part since having a bathroom the size of a small ballroom could have its benefits. The tub alone was like an Olympic-sized swimming pool, so I can get my bubbles and some exercise all in one swoop.


I have to find this house!


Since I like the other white meat so much, I decided to have myself some pork chops – hey I can control my subconscious every now and again, can’t I? I felt like covering them with chocolate, but my mind took over and literally yelled in my dream ear, “CHOCOLATE!”


So I decided against adding the sweet stuff and went for some mustard instead. I don’t know why I did that but did feel like asking my mind if it had any Grey Poupon. I figured that my mind wouldn’t like it too much and might turn me into a Smurf or something. Imagine that, being turned into a Smurf.


No thank you.

When the alarm went off I was not as rested as one might think and decided to bring my iPod along for the next trip to give dancing another chance.

Something Completely Different


Trying something new tonight – I am writing from the home office space of one Roger William Miller II, esquire.




I am downstairs in the bowels of the Miller house, below even where the servants live and cook and eat and such, we are talking deep man, like way underground in a cavernous canyon of a cave that we stumbled upon quite by accident, but knew, just knew that this was the place for fun and sun, okay maybe not sun but let me get to where I am going with this okay? So we find this massive cavern and decide to make it into a Miller complex because, well, I am a Miller and thought it would give the place a nice cheery ring to it. Anyway the cavern was found to have an abundant supply of natural resources that will help a person live for an eternity down here, I mean we got your cable television, your popcorn machine your fresh running water and natural gas is just bursting the seams to get to your locale and help you become more productive in life. Okay, some of that was hyperbole, as you can probably imagine – but the popcorn machine is real and really cool and awesome at making popcorn.


I digress.


So we stumble upon this cavern, which coincidentally is right underneath my current humble abode, so the scenario is playing out perfectly. No I am not Batman, but that would be cool. Anyway, like I said the natural resources available are amazing. There is a deep well that gives us the most pure water and best tasting too I might add water that (note, I know there are errors both of the grammatical and spellingal type (I KNOW!!) just roll with it okay?)  the world, at least the world known to me, has ever tasted. Evian, Spavian, or whatever. This was some seriously awesome pure water, whose source ran deeper than i could determine without going on a deep diving mission, of which I really wasn’t inclined to take. Let’s just say that there is enough water here to hydrate a family of nine for at least three hundred years, and I might be playing that a bit conservatively. The first thought was that I had found a veritable gold mine and that I would be wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. Then I got greedy and wanted to hoard it all myself – boy was that the best decision I ever made.


Natural gas seems to flow out of every pour down here, which I know isn’t the exact technical term and all, but boy howdy did I see something workable with that. So I did a little studying and watched some Science channel shows on how to contain and use this great natural resource. With a little time and a little trial and error, I believe that we completed something amazing. We ran the gas throughout the cavern, well first we found the most logical place to tap into it, then piped up the whole cavern – with the intention of possibly moving into the cavern in the near-ish future, thus we made sure that we had pipeline running everywhere we figured to be building rooms and fireplaces and the like, it was quite the maze of piping and well, I needed some outside help with it, which really pained me, but I am glad that I had them do the bulk of the work. In fact, I convince a couple of people that when the time comes, they could bring their families with them and maybe shack up with us for a while. I doubt if anyone will, but you never know.


Where was I? Oh yeah, so I ahd a couple of friends help out with the piping and then we got started on the building of our castle walls. This I didn’t need much help with, especially after I told the kids that they could design and build their own rooms any way they saw fit, but I did limit them to three gas taps and two water taps. Other than that, if they wanted a thousand square foot room, they built themselves a thousand square foot room. Who knew they could be so creative, but I will delve into that a little later. Let’s just say that we had some of the most awesome houses ever built under the ground.


As for that sun issue, well that one was solved with the simple solution of using skylights that started from the house above ground and then were spread out through the whole compaound – I don’t really like calling it that, but it is what it is I guess, aye?


Pardon my Irish for creeping in there, it happens on occasion and I have to do my best to maintain me sense.


So we have heat, light, water and food. Uh oh, I didn’t mention the food, well we later found while investigating the cavern, that there was another source of fresh water, although not nearly as pure as our original source. anyway, thes river had some lush soil that just was asking to be tilled, and so we placed a couple of our skylights in some proper positions, tilled the land, planted the seed and there you have it, a garden that not only grows some awesome vegetables, but because of the climate could produce more yield than any similar sized plot of land above ground could, it was like our prayers were answered, and then the river also surprised us with fish, lots and lots of fish. Now I would love to have a steak someday and we are debating whether or not to buy us a couple of cattle to supply said meat and possibly some milk. The problem with that was threefold; one, how do we get the cattle into the cavern without people noticing?; two, how do we jkkkjdkk ksdkj kjsd jjs  arghh brain cramp.

I will revisit you laters.

Monday, Monday


Oh what a fun day, with the exception of…

Okay, I won’t go through a litany of Monday-isms because well, to be honest, it’s been done before and I like to think of myself as a little more unique than that.


I almost believe that myself.

Actually, I do. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here right now, and I want to thank the academy for all the love they shared by choosing me to perform here and now, and….

So, about Monday.

It’s the first working day of the week and it always is fun to come to back and experience all the things that you may have missed over the weekend while out enjoying the time away. Except in this case, because I was there all weekend working, so maybe I just felt a little burned out.


Maybe the swimming pool at the hotel had so much chlorine in it that it made me feel less than human, which is never a lot of fun when you are expected to be fully focused at work. Maybe I should have used some Five Hour Energy.

Product placement at it’s finest. there.

Focus Roger, focus.

That is what I am trying to do here, stay focused. But, with it being Monday and my not feeling well it is extremely difficult. Plus I’m talking with the boys at home and…

No more excuses.

Welcome to the voices in my head, they had a coherent thought and idea about what to write about today and then the life got sucked out of it while working and then the sleep overtook me and I got refreshed, only that I didn’t. So what did I want to talk about today? Well, so far I have written over two hundred and fifty words of nothing, so what does that tell you about where my mind is. Also note I wrote out 250 so I must be reaching for word count, lol.

It seems like every time I start to come up with an idea, I get sidetracked by something.

Maybe I should change the title to “Stuff in my Head” at least you wouldn’t expect too much, other than my own sense of self-deprecating humor. Then again the subhead to this blog is something about a wandering mind.

So now you know… the rest of the story.




Is it possible to use sign language to yell at someone while driving? You know, say someone cuts you off and you decide to have a conversation – one way of course – via ASL (American Sign Language) instead of using say, a couple of fingers? Can you imagine the look on the person that you are “yelling” at as they watch you through their rear view mirror. Imagine still that they are entranced by your superior skills at talking with your hands that they forget they are driving…

You know where that is going right?

You will toot your car horn happily as they try to explain why they ran into the car that was stopped in front of them. Sign language is cool like that.


Ever wonder where the bible verses that are placed on billboards are coming from? I mean I am no biblical scholar, but I’m pretty sure that some people are taking some serious liberty with the words inspired by God.


Why do we continue to follow and allow ourselves to be led by incompetent boobs that insist they know what is better for us and that we should continually give them more and more money so that they can continue bringing us some obscene abstract laws that really do not have a thread of common sense involved with them and… crap, I totally forgot where I was going with that.

Oh yeah I remember now.

Politicians suck!

There I said it, they suck suck suckety suck suck. I mean if they really cared maybe they should work for FREE!

That’s right, if they really did care for and about the country that they supposedly do, then maybe they should quit filling their coffers with contributors cash. You know, do their civic duty and do it gratis. No money honey.

Oh and term limits are ESSENTIAL!

Three terms for the House.

ONE term for the Senate

Two terms for the President.

That’s it.

Also get rid of those awesome retirement accounts that they don’t contribute any of their own money to, and that we the people have to pay.


Construction is fun, especially when your kitchen is what is under construction and what will be under construction for at least the next six to eight weeks. There will be a lot of crock pot cooking and microwave cooking and take out. I, conveniently, will be out-of-town for at least half of it.

I didn’t plan it that way. Honest.


The conference championships in football are this weekend – Sunday, in fact. The first game will pit the new England Patriots, led my Tom Brady against my beloved Denver Broncos, led by Peyton F. Manning. His middle name does not start with an F I am pretty sure, but we are all so amazed by his amazing quarterbacking skills, that we use “for unlawful carnal knowledge” as an adjective in there for all of his freaking amazing-ness.

Got it? Good.

The nightcap features two teams that really have a great rivalry going on, from the coaches (bad blood from when they were coaching at rival colleges – Stanford and USC), to the fans, to the rivalry between two friends at quarterback – they get along so well that they bet eyebrows over their games.

Ha! I just reread that last paragraph and I laugh at the way I wrote it, so much so, that I am not changing a thing.

You’re welcome.

Anyway, the San Francisco 49ers travel to Seattle to play the Seahawks, which should be quite the defensive battle even with their explosive young quarterbacks.

I am going with Denver (surprise!) and San Francisco (I believe an upset is a brewing in the Pacific Northwest) meeting in the Super Bowl. This year it is XLVIII, I believe. Can’t wait for that Super Bowl L in two years. This will be a rematch of one of the worst super bowls ever, at least in my humble opinion, when the 49ers DESTROYED my Broncos by the score of 55-10.

I cried a little there, sorry.