Green Olives

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“Oh, this is great, just great!” James stared at the dead man in his trunk and wondered how the hell he was going to explain this. “A lovely way to start the day. A dead man in my trunk and a woman I don’t remember in my bed. Anything else you wanna throw my way?” he yelled as he looked up at the sky. Then he heard the police sirens coming his way.

 

Running from the sound James came to the bridge that crosses the bay. Determined to avoid being caught up in some weird murder-mystery event, James decided to cross over the bay. With the sound of the sirens receding behind him, James slowed to a walk.

At least it’s a nice day for a walk. He thought to himself. I don’t even remember going out last night, I was just watching the game and.

 

James noticed a familiar woman standing against the railing on the bridge, the wrong side of the railing.

 

“Excuse me, is everything alright?” James asked.

 

The woman turned her head, she had eyes of a dark brown, darker than James remembered, and they were filled with such pain. Recognition came to the woman quickly.

 

“Don’t try to stop me James, you know how I try to stay out of your affairs. Now you stay out of mine,” the woman stated with a tone that James remembered all too well.

 

“Mom?”

 

“Back away James, this doesn’t concern you. Your father is waiting for me, now let me finish this.”

 

“Dad? Where is he? What the heck are you doing on that side of the guardrail? What the heck is happening to me today?”

 

“See, it’s always about you, isn’t it James? You told your father and myself not to meddle, so we didn’t. Look, see what it got us. Now, you will be on your own. I hope you’re happy.”

 

With that James’ mother jumped from the bridge. He rushed to her, too late, and watched as she turned her head and slammed into the water below. The splash was large enough that James could see a rainbow

in the residual mist.

“What the…”

 

The sirens seemed to come from nowhere, and James didn’t have any time to dwell on the death of his mother, and apparently his father, over the side of the bridge.

 

James turned and ran away from the scene and headed to the forest preserve, across the bay from the city. Figuring that he would be able to hide out in the woods for a while to think things out.

 

“This has to be the worst day of my life.”

 

“Why is that mister?” asked a young boy.

 

Where did he come from?

James was startled by the sudden appearance of the kid. “What are you doing out here in the woods?”

 

“Same thing as you mister, — hiding?”

The kid reminded James of someone, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Oh yeah, what are you hiding from, kid?”

 

“Well, you know, it’s hard to explain, but, like my parents are real mad at me and don’t like, understand what it’s like to be a kid.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” James consoled, ignoring the improper use of the word like.

 

“Oh you don’t know my parents mister. I broke the front window, and like it’s going to cost a million bucks to replace, so they’re going to be pretty upset with me.”

 

“A million dollars, eh? That must be some window.”

 

“It is, my mom always told me that the best thing in her life was that window. It had a picture of some lady on it, and now it’s broke.”

 

That was weird. James did the exact same thing when he was a kid. In fact, he ran away to the woods then as well.

 

“You know what kid, I did something like that when I was young. My parents were pretty steamed about it, sure. But they still loved me.”

 

Did they?

 

Of course they did don’t be stupid.

 

And they showed their love for you by leaping off a bridge to their deaths.

 

That is NOT the point!

Really, what IS the point then?

 

Fighting back his own thoughts, James was going to tell the kid it would all work itself out and not to worry, but the kid was gone.

 

“What the…”

 

The sound of police sirens stopped James’ thought and reminded him that he was on the run himself, and to not worry about some kid with issues.

 

“Now where was I headed?”

 

“To your old tree house. That’s where you always run away to.”

 

The voice brought back memories of a time gone by, but how did she get here?

 

“Darla?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Helping you of course.”

 

“Uh, aren’t you married and living in New York?”

 

“Of course not silly, you are the only one for me. Just like I am the only one for you.”

 

“But…”

 

“You told me that before our first time, don’t you recall? I needed that reassurance and you said it so sweetly and with what I thought was such sincerity.”

 

“Yeah, but…”

 

“Oh that’s right. I was just another notch on your bedpost. Isn’t that what you told Gary and the rest of your friends?”

 

“But, that was like fifteen years ago, and like, I was in love, really.”

 

“Tsk. Tsk. Still don’t know how to properly use the word like I see. I thought you would have fixed that by now.”

 

“What the…”

 

The sirens sounded like they were right on top of James, so he ran again.

 

“That’s right, keep running!”

 

Running blindly through the trees, James looked back to see if there was any pursuit and how close it might be. Turning back around, James had just enough time to discern that he was going to feel a lot of pain, when he hit the tree.

 

James woke up in a motel room. Lying on his back he noted the water stains from the room above. They looked like a picture fit for the Renaissance. Okay, maybe not that good.

 

“Amazing artwork, those water leaks.”

 

“Ah, you’re finally awake. I thought you might be dead.”

“What? Who are you?” James stammered.

 

“Oh, no one special, remember?”

 

James suddenly realized that his arms and legs were tied to the bedpost, leaving him spread-eagle across the bed, naked.

This is definitely not what I need right now.

 

“Why am I tied to the bed like this? What is going on? Where are my clothes?” James asked, looking at the eyes of this stranger. Despite the heat of the room, James felt a chill running down his spine.

 

“Now, now, Jimmy. Don’t you remember asking me to do this for you?” looking at James the woman saw a discernable shake of James’ head. “No, of course not. Had one too many I guess. Lucky for me, I get paid whether you can get it up or not, right?”

 

“You’re a hooker?”

 

“I like to call myself an escort, thank you very much. Sounds a little more professional, don’t you think?”

 

James started to sputter, “What? How? Where? –“

 

“When and why?” she finished. “My goodness you need to get yourself some of that ginkgo memory-booster stuff. Okay, let me try to refresh your memory. You said that you were having issues at home and needed my services, to take away your pain and anger. We ended up here, you asked me to tie you up, and then you passed out. Like I said, I get paid no matter what, so in this case it was a win-win I guess. I get paid and you didn’t cheat on your wife. I was just making sure that you would wake up, and maybe, you know.”

 

“Yeah, but–” James tried to think clearly, ignoring the obvious proposition, “I was just in the woods, running from the cops…”

 

“Cops! You brought the cops here?”

 

“I don’t know. I just said I was…”

 

The sirens sounded like they were coming from just outside the door.

 

“That’s just great! Now they’re here.”

 

“But, I didn’t, uh, –” James started, as he felt a sharp pain in his side.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Now that is about, the, uh, –.”

 

James felt the sharp pain against his ribs, this time, and noticed that his arm was going numb.

 

Oh great now I’m having a stroke.

 

James noticed that his vision was starting to cloud up, and he felt like he was floating.

 

What a way to go, my wife is going to kill me.

 

Another sharp pain on his side brought stars to his eyes.

“James!” his wife was yelling at him. “James, I swear if you hit that snooze button one more time, I’m going to start kicking you!”

 

“What?”

 

“I said wake up! You are going to be late for work, if you don’t get up soon. You kept hitting the snooze button, so you brought it on yourself.”

 

“What?”

 

“Wake up dummy! You have to get ready for work.”

 

“Oh, right.” As the realization of what just happened hit him. James turned off his alarm clock, thinking that he needed to get a different alarm.

 

“Hey honey.”

 

“Yes, dear.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too. Now get up and get ready, you still have time to catch your train.”

 

“Okay. Honey.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Don’t let me eat green olives right before bedtime anymore.”

 

Chocolate Smurfs

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I hate to travel.

 

Scratch that, I love travelling. I hate to travel alone, without my family. It depresses me and really makes me crazy around bedtime. You see, I cannot fall asleep when I am travelling alone and it really makes it hard for me to focus when I am on a business trip. It’s hard to be on your “A Game” when you only get two to three hours of very uncomfortable sleep a night. Imagine how you would be by Friday after getting the same amount of sleep in one week that you might normally get in one night.

 

Not pretty. Trust me.

 

I have tried a wide variety of ideas that have been handed down to me once someone hears about my issues. I love that everyone wants to help, it’s what makes this country great – too bad none of them seem to work very well.

 

One suggestion was to dance myself to sleep. I really didn’t understand this, but I figured it was worth a shot. So I turned on MTV and prepared myself for a dance-a-thon that would begin once the commercials ended.

 

Snort.

 

I completely forgot that they no longer play music on MTV, and the cheap radio in the hotel room, just doesn’t find a station clear enough to understand the lyrics, or more importantly, hear the beat. So I gave up and sat down and ate some french fries, and while they made me feel better initially, I had to spend a lot of extra time in the other room in my hotel room, if you know what I’m saying. Apparently filling up on greasy spuds, does not do my body good.

 

By the time I found myself in bed watching a rerun of Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show” and dozing off to Ed McMahon saying “Yes!” it was well past midnight.

 

Somehow, I did finally fall asleep and entered the most disturbing part of the evening, my subconscious.

 

I found myself sitting on a chair in my bathroom spraying my hair down with some high-grade hairspray, which in itself is hilarious because I have been bald for the past twenty years, but I figured why not. If my subconscious sees me with David Coverdale hair, so be it. I didn’t really like seeing the grey hairs seeminvg to stand out and make let it be known that I am an old dude. Great, first I can’t sleep and now my subconscious is reminding me that I am old.

 

Beautiful.

 

It gets better. As I leave my bathroom, which appears to be about twice the size of my house, again I am not minding this part since having a bathroom the size of a small ballroom could have its benefits. The tub alone was like an Olympic-sized swimming pool, so I can get my bubbles and some exercise all in one swoop.

 

I have to find this house!

 

Since I like the other white meat so much, I decided to have myself some pork chops – hey I can control my subconscious every now and again, can’t I? I felt like covering them with chocolate, but my mind took over and literally yelled in my dream ear, “CHOCOLATE!”

 

So I decided against adding the sweet stuff and went for some mustard instead. I don’t know why I did that but did feel like asking my mind if it had any Grey Poupon. I figured that my mind wouldn’t like it too much and might turn me into a Smurf or something. Imagine that, being turned into a Smurf.

 

No thank you.

When the alarm went off I was not as rested as one might think and decided to bring my iPod along for the next trip to give dancing another chance.

Science Fiction Top 5

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shows.

In my humble opinion, of course. Note that these are MY choices (which means they can and will probably change at some point) and there was NO scientific data taken, so if you want to get mad at anyone, you need to talk to this guy.

Counting down from number

5. Space:1999 – this show was around when I was wee lad, okay maybe not so wee, but it came out in the late ’70s and I thought for sure by the end of the century I would be living on a space station orbiting the moon or something. Here it is 2014 and the highest I’ve been off the ground is about 40,000 feet which isn’t even out of our own atmosphere. To say that the eight year old me would be disappointed is a big understatement.

4. Buck Roger in the 25th Century – a silly, yet fun science fiction show of the late seventies that also made me wish of space travel and beautiful alien princesses, along with talking robots and a Vegas like atmosphere, where anything that happened in the 25th century, stayed in the 25th century. Needless to say, the science in this show wasn’t too great, but the outfits sure were and I loved it.

3 Farscape – Oh my goodness, this was tough, putting one of my all-time favorite shows at number three, but, it must be. Truth be told, the top three are kind of like 1a, b, and c, so I win. Right? It’s on the line of Buck Rogers in that an astronaut is put in a situation where he is like a fish out of water, but John Crichton is way cooler than Buck Rogers any day. It is also the first show that I really started hating bean counters and their idea of ruining my entertainment. Or something like that, which will be the theme of the next choices as well.

2. The three Stargate series – I know, it’s kind of a cop-out, but if I were to make a true top five, then these three shows would all be in it and keep those late 70s shows out, and we wouldn’t want that, right? (Okay, so maybe I should have went to ten, but then…) Anyway, I will list these from least favorite to most favorite (feel better?), first is Stargate:Atlantis – this was the original spinoff from the Stargate SG-1 series that was based on the movie entitled Stargate, makes sense, right? Anyway, this show is about a group of explorers that find and are basically trapped on Atlantis, which turns out to be an ancient ship. Next would be, and this one is tough, but I will have to say SGU Stargate Universe only because it only had forty episodes before the geniuses at the SyFy network (yeah, the same idiots that changed the name to Syfy and put pro wrestling on the channel) decided to pull the plug, just as it was getting really good. Actually, I think they pulled the plug before they saw it get good, but what can you do – they don’t care. Number one of these three is the original Stargate SG-1, starring Richard Dean Anderson, Amanda Tapping, Christopher Judge and Michael Shanks. It is about a team of explorers that search for things that will make life on earth better, sort of. There is politics involved, and lots of humor. I could easily write two hundred blog posts of considerable size about this show, but i won’t, since I am sure it has been done before.

which leads us up to number

1 Firefly – Surprised? I mean the show only had fourteen episodes before the geniuses at FOX decided that it wasn’t worthy of keeping on the air. Were they right? No way! This show was awesome, it had great visual effects, a hybrid Chinese/Western American feel and great writing. I mean really really great writing.

Honorable mentions, in no particular order:

Dr Who – depends on who the Doctor is

LOST

Twilight Zone (original)

Warehouse 13

Eureka

Battlestar Galactica – both versions, although the older version was a lot funnier and the latest was pretty dark, to say the least.

Star Trek – all five shows, although Enterprise suffered the same fate as the original, short-sighted TV executives, blah, blah, blah…

That’s my list, feel free to write me your displeasure, disagreement and anything else you feel like sharing. I have thick skin, so it’s okay.

Some Fun

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She was always the invisible one in the family. Nobody noticed her until the day...

the world stopped spinning. That was when all the words that came out of her mouth finally started making sense, but it was too late. She knew, of course, that this was going to happen, even knew how to stop it from happening, but since no one seemed to care about her, why should she care about them.

She was always the invisible one in the family. Nobody noticed her until the day...

she decided that running through the house, yard, and neighborhood, in the nude, would be fun. While it was exhilarating her time in jail wasn’t quite what she expected, because she never went. No one cared enough to arrest her, videotape her, have a chat with her. Nothing at all. At least she wasn’t invisible anymore, but this seemed to be much worse, in her eyes.

She was always the invisible one in the family. Nobody noticed her until the day...

She decided to come out of her room and grab her father by his beard and yell the most obscure, insane and profane story she could think of, while sitting in his bowl of soup. That was her mistake, not the beard or the stupid story with a few words of profanity – that while he didn’t approve of the language, thinking that such words were always a crutch of an uneducated mind – no sir, what got under her father’s skin that time was the fact that she sat in the last bowl of his favorite soup that her late mother, his late wife, had prepared for him, and that he had managed to save for a meal on the anniversary of her death for each of the past three years. That is what caused her father to react and finally take notice of the little girl who missed her daddy. If only she knew that was what it would take.

Now it’s your turn, use the sentence in bold as a starting sentence for a paragraph or a short story. Have fun and write on!

 

Seven Days to Glory

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Or something like that. I have decided to try my hand at linking to one of those things that encourage you to write. In this case it will be seven posts in seven days – not counting this one.

There is a pretty little picture that I thought I knew how to add here, but it isn’t working, yet. however, knowing me, I will continue to write what ever is on my mind while looking at what I am supposed to do to add said picture.

Maybe I am supposed to link to the original blog… Hold on a second…

7-day-blog-challenge

 

Ahh, there it is. Now if you want to join in, go over and visit Jen  and see how to do it professionally, unlike what I have done here.

I really need to play around with this stuff more, methinks.

**NOTE**- I think I may have figured out the whole link thing so, you should be able to just click on the name Jen and you will be taken to a magical place.

Now, I am off to experience life so I can have something to write about later. 🙂