So there is this story that I have heard about and seen briefly on the internet about a man that supposedly shot and killed Bigfoot.
Now if I were a smart blogger I would link the article here but instead of that let me tell you the fun we had discussing the whole Bigfoot killing and its subsequent autopsy that will be, if it hasn’t already, performed by some lucky doctor.
My co-workers and I, those that are with me on this trip anyway, believe that maybe, just maybe this story is fake. I know it’s probably surprising that people in this day and age do not always believe everything they read on the internet. (Bonjour, anyone?)
Anyway, we started hashing out some ideas of using this new found Bigfoot fame, to our own personal advantage. You know we all have to get our fifteen minutes somehow, so why not try and do it ourselves. So here is our plan…
Step 1: head to our local Wal-mart or some sort of store that would sell costumes, and get a mask that may, or may not, resemble what Bigfoot purportedly looks like.
Step 2, don said mask and proceed to take some ‘selfies’ with Sasquatch. Each of us would have a turn with Sasquatch, proving that we had indeed met up with the gentle beast, given him some Jack Links, got his autograph and took some pictures.
Step 3, post pictures on Facebook, and Twitter and any other social media site we could find – heck this blog could do it, but remember we are looking for popularity and notoriety. Posting here might just defeat that purpose. After posting on Facebook, our combined thousand plus friends would then like and share these pictures to their thousands of friends. Then, like Captain Trips, within a month, 99.4% of the world’s Facebook users would have had the opportunity to see three putzes posing with the mythical beast of the Pacific northwest.
Step 4, write a best selling memoir about the ‘ordeal’ with Bigfoot and have it become a part of the Oprah book club and the Target book club and your mother’s book club.
Step 5, continue promoting the book on David Letterman and Jay Leno, milking every last ounce of that fifteen seconds possible.
Step 6, one of the co-workers gets caught up in a sex scandal and admits that it was all just a joke and that Sasquatch was really each of us wearing a mask. The three of us will be forgotten in a matter of weeks and can carry on with our quiet lives while appearing on late night radio programs getting serious questions about how we had befriended Bigfoot.
Step 7, count all the money that was made and start planning for the next fifteen minutes.thinking that maybe Yeti needs to make a North American appearance, maybe in Illinois – so the state could impose a Yeti tax on all those involved.
Now after reading all of those steps, and really thinking long and hard about them, doesn’t step 7 seem to hold the most weight when it comes to what is believable? Because trust me, if Illinois can find a way tax something, they will.